Why doesn't my partner want to live with me?

"Why doesn't my partner want to live with me? Why this refusal or resistance if we love each other and get along?". Many people are suddenly in this situation.


Something that would undoubtedly make up one more step in the relationship, giving importance and stability to the commitment itself, opens a sudden gap in which a thousand doubts and concerns emerge.

"Maybe you are not sure of your feelings, you do not love me enough to live with me?" The first thought that assails us is almost always that of affection. However, we cannot ignore something as simple as the fact that relationships now have different rhythms and new interests.

New models of couples

In recent years, the model of weekend couples has taken hold. Our lifestyle and, especially, the labor market, makes daily coexistence not possible (or not wanted). Focusing the relationship on Saturdays and Sundays makes falling in love last longer and those encounters are lived with greater intensity.

Likewise, it is also important to highlight the LAT (living apart together) phenomenon. They are couples who love each other, but who renounce having a life in common.

As we can see, there are several formulas regarding how to maintain a relationship. However, there is a key that must always be present and that will guarantee both the happiness and the durability of that bond: that both agree and want the same thing.

Why doesn't my partner want to live with me?

The dynamics of couple relationships have changed. Research papers, such as those carried out by Dr. Susan L. Brown of Bowling Green State University (Ohio, United States) point us to something interesting. 

The forms of coexistence in the people that make up an affective bond are no longer as before. Much of it begins a life together that does not have to end in marriage.

An example is the one we are now seeing with many couples over 50 who have already gone through a previous marriage and are beginning to coexist, giving way to a new stage of life. 

Likewise, among younger people, different styles abound, such as those already mentioned: either they choose to live together only on weekends, for a joint coexistence in the same house or on the other hand, or they decide what is known as living apart together .

All this forms new ways of building an affective commitment with someone. However, the most decisive thing is to reach a mutual agreement in which the parties agree. The problem can appear before questions such as why my partner does not want to live with me and does not give me a clear explanation.

He loves you, but his goal is not commitment

Not everyone is ready for commitment. As the philosopher and sociologist Zygmunt Bauman pointed out , we live in a society of liquid relationships. That is to say, there are those who prefer fragile links, those that can easily be broken to start new ones.

They are loves that are consumed and recycled and in which there is no commitment, only the search for emotions, for pleasure, to satisfy needs. Who is not ready to commit does not think long term; seek the satisfaction of the here and now. Therefore, it is very complicated that in these situations the step to coexistence is given.

Gamophobia: fear of coexistence and "ties"

There are people with phobias , with irrational fears that limit their life. As striking as it may seem, this fact also occurs in couple relationships.

Gamophobia forms a type of fear in which the person does not conceive aspects such as living together, getting married or starting a family. Everything that constitutes formalizing that relationship or taking it to a more serious, stable and mature level raises doubts and even panic.

He has questions that he hasn't shared with you yet

Why doesn't my partner want to live with me? When we find ourselves in this situation there is only one possible way out: talk. It is necessary to promote good communication through which fears, doubts and concerns are sanitized.

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