10 keys for couples to work

Ideas and tips to reinforce the good health of your relationships and avoid problems. 

Relationships are made of habits, of shared situations that reinforce the bond of love that unites two people.

This means that in some cases, some couples can function "alone" simply because they manage to reach a state in which these habits are already part of the day to day spontaneously. But in other cases, problems and conflicts appear that can be solved by modifying these shared routines.

If you are interested in this last topic, keep reading, because we will review the keys for couples to work.

The first thing to do is assume that you are not in full control of what happens in your relationship. This is important, because it is one thing to do your best to make the bond as strong as possible, not to adopt a controlling attitude towards the other person.

Thus, all the key ideas that we will see below must always be applied from consensus and constant communication , because if not, the situation will not only improve but will worsen. Let's move on to see the tips for making relationships work.

1. Make your expectations clear

If it is not clear what each person wants and what he expects from the relationship, it is inevitable that many conflicts will arise, some of them serious. Therefore, it is essential to communicate this honestly and directly, without leaving too much room for ambiguity.

2. Bet on assertiveness

For the relationship to work, it must be symmetrical: that neither person has more power over the other. To do this, it is essential to adopt an assertive communication style.

And what exactly is assertive communication? Basically, in expressing everything that has to be expressed, without yielding to fear of what others may think or make someone angry or sad; and to do so while respecting the other, even if what has to be said may be painful.

This balance makes marriages and dating relationships stronger, because none of the people involved has to bear the burden of keeping ideas, beliefs and feelings for what they believe is the common good.

3. Make commitments

Any love relationship, due to the fact of demanding sacrifices with long-term goals, requires a series of commitments. 

Therefore, they must be established and clarified, so that you both always take them into account in the same way. This avoids many marital and relationship crises that would have been easily avoidable.

4. Highlight the positive

It is not healthy to ignore the positive aspects of the relationship and talk only about the negative ones. 

To have a global vision of what is happening and at the same time express love for the other, it is worth showing that satisfaction when the other person does something that we like.

5. Spend time together… quality

Living in the same house does not consolidate a relationship. In fact, if there is no communication or displays of affection, that can generate animosity and indifference for the person with whom we fall in love.

Therefore, it is important to make efforts to enjoy time together in which you can find meaningful ways to speak, express affection, have contact, and have intimacy.

6. Apply Emotional Intelligence to discussions

It is normal to argue from time to time. What can be done in these cases is not to lose sight of the nature of the love relationship you have, and not to fall into a fight of egos to see who is right. Accept that we can feel frustrated and angry momentarily, but that no one wins by attacking the other.

So when you think you are too angry to adopt constructive thinking in the face of conflict, stop arguing and clear up. When everything is due to a communication failure, first of all clarify what happened, give the other a chance to explain himself. And when the cause of the discussion is not an objective fact but an assumption, treat it as such.

7. Support yourselves taking into account your strengths and weaknesses

Finding a good fit in the relationship is, among other things, knowing how we can help the other. 

Therefore, it is a good idea to have the vulnerabilities of the other identified, to offer support when they manifest themselves.

8. Count on the other for important plans

Many people wait too long before communicating important decisions to their partner. This not only creates resentment; in addition, it causes problems due to lack of coordination.

9. Respect each other's space

Not everything has to be shared. It is very common to need time to be alone, without the company of the other, to think, create or assimilate emotions. Therefore, these moments of introspection must be respected.

10. Accept help

That conflicts and crises can arise in a relationship does not mean that there is a rule by which you must face these problems without help. 

Couples therapy carried out by psychologists is an option to consider, since in these sessions you can learn the keys to redirect the situation avoiding feeding the drama and adopting a constructive and empathic point of view.

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