Did you just lose a baby? There are certain things to keep in mind before venturing out in search of another pregnancy. Meet the rainbow baby!
The rainbow baby is the child born after a loss. Many pregnancies do not reach term for different reasons, among those circumstances, the most common: spontaneous abortions.
It is something, sometimes not very predictable and that will depend on many other factors. But it is actually very common for many women to leak, even before they know they are pregnant. According to information from the US portal Planned Parenthood : 20% of pregnancies end in a spontaneous abortion.
A miscarriage can occur due to genetic problems of the fetus, problems in the cervix, uterus or chronic diseases. But when that loss occurs later in the week of pregnancy, it is accompanied by even greater pain.
Because the parents had made up their minds that they would welcome a new member at home and they have to come to it empty-handed. These children who do not reach term are known as: star babies . By associating them with little stars in the sky.
The emotional process that couples go through is often so strong that it can create a very long mourning or suppress the feeling of being parents and even for the wrong reasons, they come to desperately search for another baby. For this reason, professionals in perinatal psychology advise, among other things, to wait a while to try to get pregnant again. And watch for signs of depression.
Rainbow baby and the process of loss
By themselves, these rainbow babies are also considered to arrive in difficult circumstances. Because parents may be concerned that something could go wrong again. Nobody wants to go through difficult situations more than twice. Hence the fear, when the process begins again.
But far from all those things, there are several characteristics that are associated with the rainbow baby and usually give more hope to future parents. What many professionals try to avoid is that parents become discouraged or even detached with the pregnancy, trying to create a shield and "be ready" emotionally in case something goes wrong again. But preparing to receive a rainbow baby must consider other more important points. Before I mention them: What about rainbow babies?
What is a rainbow baby?
In general terms and according to popular beliefs: A rainbow baby is usually a happy, colorful and quite spoiled child. Other people consider rainbow babies to be emotionally strong children who usually bounce back easily from bad events. But there is no research to support all of these things.
In reality, the most important consideration is the recovery of the parents after a loss. Cases that must be evaluated by professionals, such as perinatal and family psychologists. Depending on the case, the loss may occur and the mother may try to get pregnant again months after her recovery. But there is another side of the coin, the case of women who cannot have children.
Emotionally, it is considered a very difficult situation to go through, in any of its forms. But like everything in life, it has a solution. Hence also the issue of adopted rainbow babies.
What are the children who find a foster home in families that could not have children. In both circumstances, the rainbow baby, according to maternity psychologists, should arrive at a home prepared to receive them and this issue goes far beyond the material.
Adopted rainbow baby
In the case of the adopted rainbow baby, the challenge is often considered greater. Because of the fear that they do not feel comfortable and other traits that people (due to ignorance) come to associate with genes. But ultimately, they are children who need:
A solid and functional home.
Someone who loves and respects them.
Values and good pillars of learning.
The issue of adoption goes beyond the activity itself. Because many associate it with more responsibility, but in reality it is the same. When talking about the needs of an adopted child, many specialists refer to abandonment, lack of commitment, obsession with being parents and above all the lack of time to overcome previous losses. All intertwined like a time bomb, guided by the wrong feelings.
The loss of a baby and the arrival of the rainbow baby
For example, in a note published in the Spanish newspaper ABC by the journalist Carlota Fominaya, the psychologist specializing in maternity: Sabina del Río explains that the star baby is a son that did exist for the parents and that he must have his identity, name and place in the family. Among other things she recommends:
Properly mourn the baby and say goodbye to him.
Call it and remember it with its own name.
Take your time to get over it, but don't suppress it from your thoughts or family history.
Rainbow baby
He also comments in the article that: the rainbow baby must have a proper name and must not be the same as the star baby. Because neither should supplant the other.
For this reason, the new pregnancy must be appreciated as a new being, just as desired. In this case, the only difference is its arrival. Because it is coming into the life of the parents to give a little more light to a home that at some point went through mourning.
Even other specialists recommend that families who have lost babies give away the things they acquired for him or her. And wanting to keep certain items, that only be few. So that the new baby has a space of its own.
How long should you wait to try for another baby after a loss?
Specialists recommend six months to a year , but everything can depend on how the loss of the baby occurred and the professional who cares for them.
In general terms, when the mourning of the star baby is considered over and the wishes to be parents are driven by wanting a family and not by supplanting the other baby.
How long should you wait to try for another baby after a loss?
Specialists recommend six months to a year, but everything can depend on how the loss of the baby occurred and the professional who cares for them. In general terms, when the mourning of the star baby is considered over and the wishes to be parents are driven by wanting a family and not by supplanting the other baby.
What is mourning? It is known as mourning the feeling of grief that invades a person after the death of someone close. In psychology, it is a term used to refer to the emotional process that a person goes through after a loss, a kind of adaptation to new circumstances.
For this reason, it is considered overcome only when the person individually adapts to life without that person. And he resigns himself (so to speak) to the will of God.
In the search for information about it, I also found an ideal book for people who find themselves wanting a foster rainbow baby. It is titled: “We Belong Together: A Book About Adoption and Families” by Todd Parr.
Reviewing the above, the following points are specified:
The rainbow baby must have a name of its own.
Have a new space and own articles.
You can even learn about your brother's story later.
He did not come to impersonate anyone.
Avoid overwhelming him with feelings of loss (parents ready to receive another baby)
It should not be sought immediately.
And from the beginning you should consult with a specialist in perinatal psychology.
Although many people who have children after a loss did not know the term rainbow baby and star baby.
It is necessary to know the medical and professional recommendations in this regard, before looking again. Without closing in on showing their emotions, adding to that topic good communication and support from the couple in the process.
Also, do not take into account comments such as: «… but what are you waiting for, try again». Because in the end it should be done when the mother is ready to have it.
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