70 funny and witty phrases to laugh

Sarcastic, witty or funny, these phrases will make you smile or make you laugh out loud. Looking for fun phrases to have a nice time? In this article we collect 70 funny phrases and famous quotes of humor , so you can share with your friends.
70 funny and witty phrases to laugh

A selection of the funniest and most ingenious phrases of anonymous or famous authors, which will make you laugh and reflect from humor.
These funny and funny phrases will brighten your day and make you smile.

1. Intelligence haunts me, but I am faster
One of the most happening funny phrases, ideal for joking with someone about one's intelligence .

2. The important thing is not to know, but to have the phone you know
Because sometimes what matters is not knowing everything, but having access to information.

3. I don't suffer from madness, I enjoy it every minute
Another funny and ingenious phrase about madness, which is sometimes very subjective.

4. Having a clear conscience is a sign of bad memory
One of the many phrases of the comedian Steven Wright, who jokes that nobody can have a clear conscience at all.

5. Don't take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive
Elbert Hubbard was a writer and artist who left us phrases as famous and fun as this one .

6. I refuse to join any club that would accept me as a member
Groucho Marx also has a good compilation of funny phrases, some as famous as this one.

7. If the mountain comes to you? Run, it's a landslide!
An ingenious phrase that jokes with the saying "If the mountain does not go to Muhammad, Muhammad goes to the mountain."

8. I never forget a face, but in your case, I will be happy to make an exception
Another phrase from Groucho Marx that we can dedicate to someone we don't want to know anything about again.

9. I don't fear death, I just wouldn't like to be there when it happens
The director and actor Woody Allen also leaves us countless funny phrases, many of which joke about death.

10. I usually cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to food
The American comedian and actor WC Fields pronounced this perfect phrase for those who love drinking .

11. Better late, because in the morning I sleep
This ingenious phrase jokes with the popular saying "better late than never", and gives a comic twist.

12. Absolute truth does not exist, and this is absolutely true.
Another phrase to reflect, funny because of the contradiction it manifests.

13. It is better to shut up and look stupid than to speak and clear doubts definitely
Again Groucho Marx boasts his ingenuity with this funny phrase , which many could apply.

14. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Like everyone else
Anthropologist Margaret Mead jokes with this phrase about people who feel special, and that after all is like everyone else.

15. There are two words that will open many doors: "pull" and "push"
If this phrase does not make you smile, you lack a sense of humor.

16. When a woman tells you "what?", It is not that she has not heard you. It is giving you the opportunity to change what you said
Surely many people with a partner feel identified with this phrase and will know that it is better to change the answer.

17. Sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand
Woody Allen also has a good compilation of witty phrases about sex, like this one in which he jokes about being alone and the self-pleasure.

18. The one who is born poor and ugly, has great chances that when growing ... both conditions develop
Or you may instead be lucky and end up like Cristiano Ronaldo.

19. I don't believe in a life beyond, but, just in case, I've changed my underwear
Another funny phrase from Woody Allen about death and what awaits us beyond.

20. A crazy woman like me, needs a screw like you
This is a nice and funny phrase to dedicate to your boyfriend or the person you like.

21. Since loving each other does not work out, why don't we try to love each other?
Phrase pronounced by the character of Mafalda in his comic strip, which always uses humor with wit.

22. There is a better world, but it is very expensive
You can live better, but that always costs money.

23. Outside the dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside the dog it is probably too dark to read
Another funny phrase by Groucho Marx who plays with the double senses.

24. I can resist anything but temptation
The writer Oscar Wilde was famous for his ingenuity , which is well shown in this sentence.

25. Laziness is the mother of all vices, and as a mother... you have to respect her
Funny phrase that the lazy and lazy can use as justification.

26. Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you're a cheese
Phrase of Luis Buñuel that many can use in our next birthdays.

27. I am not a complete useless, at least I serve as a bad example
Even those with more flaws may be useful for something, according to this ingenious phrase.

28. I have to go to the eye doctor, but I never see the moment
A most funny phrase for your pun. Do you see the joke?

29. Some marriages end well; others last a lifetime
Another phrase by Woody Allen about love and relationships, this time joking about marriage.

30. I just wanted to tell you that someone cares, not me, but someone cares
Funny but brazen phrase, only suitable for use with those friends with whom we have more confidence.

31. Life would be tragic if it wasn't fun
The recently deceased Stephen Hawking left us this phrase about life and the importance of humor.

32. Sorry, if you were right, I would agree with you
Actor Robin Williams was known for his comical performances and for his funny and witty phrases.

33. Toast for alcohol! Cause and at the same time solution of all the problems of life
This phrase is pronounced by the character of Homer in The Simpsons, a series that is characterized by saying great truths through large doses of humor.

34. Children, have you struggled, and for what? Not at all. The moral is: Do not strain
Again another classic and funny phrase that Homer pronounces in The Simpsons.

35. Don't worry, at the most, the worst day of your life will only last 24 hours

Phrase with which we can try to encourage someone with a little humor, or at least try to get a smile.

36. I am so intelligent that sometimes I do not understand a simple word of what I am saying
With this phrase it is possible to sin of believed, but Oscar Wilde was worthy to pronounce it.

37. Go to heaven for the weather, and to hell for the company
A funny rhyming phrase from writer Mark Twain, who is right.

38. The clearest indication that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never attempted to establish contact with us.
The comic strip of Calvin and Hobbes was also characterized by telling great truths through a scathing humor. An example is this phrase.

39. The secret of life is honesty and fair treatment. If you can fake it, you have it done
Another ingenious phrase of the great Groucho Marx, who is also right.

40. The woman who has no luck with men... does not know how lucky she is
As with alcohol, men can also be the cause and solution of all our problems.

41. These are my principles. If you do not like, I have others
One of the most famous phrases that have always been attributed to Groucho Marx, although its origin is not very clear.

42. Save water. Don't shower alone
We can use this witty phrase to flirt with another person or use it as an invitation.

43. Laugh and the world laugh with you, snore and you will sleep alone
The writer Anthony Burgess changes the famous phrase of the poetess Ella Wheeler Wilcox “Laugh and the world will laugh with you; cry and you will cry alone ”, adding the humorous twist of snoring.

44. You have to work eight hours and sleep eight hours, but not the same
Unless you get paid at work for your work. Another funny phrase by Woody Allen.

45. My son, happiness is made of small things: A small yacht, a small mansion, a small fortune...
Little things are sometimes very expensive. Another phrase to laugh at Groucho Marx.

46. ​​You are not Google, but you have everything I look for...
A funny phrase to use as a flirt or to let the person we want know that it is perfect.

47. It is not true that all past time was better. What happened was that those who were worse had not yet noticed
Again Mafalda combines social denunciation and humor in a single sentence.

48. Since women are better at producing babies, presumably nature has given men some talent to compensate. But I still haven't found it
The writer and scientist Arthur C. Clarke was also known for his sarcasm, and this phrase is a great example.

49. I always wanted to be someone, but now I realize that I should have been more specific
Comedian and screenwriter Lily Tomlin has this funny phrase that jokes about getting to "be someone."

50. Life is hard. After all, it kills you
Katharine Hepburn phrase, known for being one of the smartest and most horny actresses in Hollywood.

51. Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stay still and look stupid
Hedy Lamarr was also an actress highly valued for her beauty, but it was always more than a pretty face.

52. There cannot be a crisis next week. My agenda is already full
Henry Kissinger displayed his sarcastic humor by saying this phrase that jokes about the inevitability of some events.

53. My parents didn't usually hit me; they did it only once: they started in February 1940 and ended in May 43
Another funny phrase from American actor and director Woody Allen.

55. I used to think that I'm undecided, but now I'm not sure
Another phrase to laugh that plays with the grace of contradictions.

56. My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met
Actor and comedian Rodney Dangerfield jokes about unhappiness after marriage.

57. Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I have done it thousands of times
Writer Mark Twain jokes about the difficulty of quitting tobacco, one of the biggest vices for many people.

58. If you are going to do something tonight that you will regret tomorrow morning, sleep late
Phrase so funny as it is ingenious, that humorist Henny Youngman left us.

59. Marriage is the main cause of divorce
Another funny phrase about unhappiness of marriages. This is from Groucho Marx.

60. We are all here on earth to help others; what I don't know is why others are here
Phrase of the poet and essayist WH Auden, to reflect with humor.

61. I don't want to work as a bus driver, because I don't like passing things
Another one of the best funny phrases for its happening pun.

62. A hangover is the wrath of the grapes
Playwright Dorothy Parker takes advantage of John Steinbeck's famous novel "The Grapes of Wrath" to make this fun pun.

63. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when I was sixty. Now he's ninety-seven, and we don't know where the hell he is
Ellen DeGeneres is currently one of the most popular and respected comedians in the entertainment world, this phrase is an example of her humor.

64. The problem of having an open mind is, of course, that people insist on trying to put things in it.
The director and screenwriter Terry Pratchett speaks with humor about the persuasion attempts that fall on those who think differently.

65. Comedy is simply a fun way to be serious
Sometimes humor serves to deal with serious issues in a different way. This phrase by actor and writer Peter Ustinov sums it up well.

66. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy; I asked for a second opinion and he told me that he was also ugly
Another funny phrase ideal for sharing on networks or making your friends laugh.

67. My God, give me patience, but please give it to me now!
Patience is a virtue that not everyone has.

68. Two things are safe: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure of the first
One of the most popular phrases of Albert Einstein, who enjoyed a great sense of humor.

69. Children are smarter than any of us. Do you know how I know? I don't know a single child with a full time job and children
Bill Hicks was an American comedian and monologuist, with a very sarcastic sense of humor.

70. I think to live forever or die trying
We finish the list one of the funniest and most ingenious phrases of Groucho Marx.

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