100 Funny and funny phrases that will make you laugh

100 Funny and funny phrases that will make you laugh. Humor is one of the best ways to brighten up your life and that of others. 

With it you can see life with a positive perspective and face problems with a better frame of mind. Without a doubt, life is very different with and without humor.

With the funny and funny phrases that you will find below, you will have a good time, but you can also dedicate them to other people and improve their day. They are witty quotes that are not heard in the day to day but that you can use to amuse others.

Humor is proven to be good for well-being and happiness. It helps to release stress and see life's difficulties from a more positive perspective. Without further ado, enjoy the moment with these great phrases.

Short funny phrases.

-Today someone told me I'm lazy. I almost answered him.

-My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

-If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?

-Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

-A balanced diet is having a cupcake in each hand.

-A policeman stopped me and told me “Papers”. So I said "Scissors, I win!" and he left.

-Be the person you were lazy to be yesterday.

-The jokes about elephants are not good. Because they are irrelevant.

-The first time I sang in church, two hundred people changed their religion.

-Don't think that you are an ugly person, think that you are a beautiful monkey.

-If the mountain comes to you, run, because it is collapsing.

-I thought about losing weight once , but I don't like losing weight .

-I have had a very tired day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

-I have to go to the eye doctor, but I never see the moment.

-Some things are better left unsaid. But I'll get drunk and say them anyway.

-The best part of going to work is coming home at the end of the day.

-You never realize what you have until it goes away. Toilet paper is a good example.

-My neighbors listen to good music. Like it or not.

-I love my job, only when I'm on vacation.

-Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring and then I go back to being myself.

- Hypochondria is the only disease I do not have.

-When one door closes, another door must open, but if it doesn't, then enter through the window.

-If I won the award for laziness, I would send someone to pick it up for me.

-To make time fly, throw the clock out the window.

-I just wanted you to know that someone cares about you. Not to me, but to someone yes.

-My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so that people don't think I'm dead.

-Dear math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

-I made a huge to-do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.

-Never judge a book by its movie.

-If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off?

-I wonder how the bicycle police arrest people. "Ok, get in the basket."

-Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to separate us.

-I changed my password everywhere to "wrong". This way, when I forget it, it always reminds me: "Your password is wrong."

-Doing nothing is difficult, you never know when you're done.

-Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could hit eight people at once.

-Some people are like clouds. When they leave, it's a brighter day.

-Seeing a cockroach in my room is not scary. It is when it disappears.

-Don't you know where your children are in the house? Turn off the internet and they will appear.

- Maybe if we told people that the brain is an application, they would start using it.

-I'm not lazy, I'm in energy saving mode.

-It's always fun until someone gets hurt. So it's a lot of fun.

-I used to think I'm indecisive, but now I'm not sure.

-If the phone doesn't ring it's me.

-Now I begin to remember. But I don't remember anything!

-My plastic plants died because I didn't seem to water them.

-I hate being bipolar, it's a fantastic feeling.

-Laugh and the world will laugh with you, snore and you will sleep alone.

-Time is precious, waste it wisely.

-Facebook-wasting time since 2004.

-A day without sun is, you know, night.

-The only reason I'm fat is because this little body can't handle such a personality.

-My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I asked for a second opinion. He told me it was ugly too.

-Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.

-I looked at my family tree and found that I was the toad.

-People who think they know everything are a great nuisance for those who do know everything.

-I haven't spoken to my wife in years. He didn't want to interrupt her.

-A word to the wise is not necessary. We are the stupid who need advice.

-I found that there is only one way to appear skinny: dating fat people.

-I refuse to be part of a club that had me as a member.-Groucho Marx.

-I like long walks, especially when taken by people who annoy me.

-Any woman can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

-I saw a woman wearing a hoodie that said Guess. Said; Thyroid problems?

-I hate housework! You make the beds, clean the dishes, and six months later you have to start over.

-If you want your wife to listen to you, talk to another woman; it will be all ears.

-Don't worry about avoiding temptations. As you get older they will avoid you.

-I never drink water because of the unpleasant things that fish do in it.

-Age is something that does not matter, unless you are a cheese.

-I never said most of the things I said.

-Never have to hit a fallen man, he can get up.

-I used to run but the ice cubes were falling out of my glass.

-I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder that does it for me.

-I have tried not to know anything about many things and have been quite successful.

-The cure for an obsession: get another.

-Before rejecting your questions, I declare to be open.

-I buy expensive suits. They just seem cheap on me.

-I failed to enter the chess team because of my height.-Woody Allen.

-Men are only as loyal as their options.

-I was born in very sad circumstances. Both of my parents were very sad.

-When I was born, I owed twelve dollars.

-If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

-I used to sell furniture to live. The problem is that they were mine.

-Everything is fun, as long as it is happening to someone else.

-I received attention being funny at school, pretending to be retarded and jumping around with a deformed hand.-Leonardo DiCaprio.

-I am so intelligent that sometimes I do not understand a single word of what I'm saying.-Oscar Wilde.

- Borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect you to give it back.

-Santa Claus had the right idea: he visits people once a year.

-When I was a child, the Dead Sea was just sick.

-The bad thing is not living in the clouds, but going down.

-The important thing is not to know, but to have the phone number of the person who knows

-When people tell me "you will regret that in the morning", I sleep until I wake up in the afternoon, because I am a problem solver.

-My smartphone ignores me, I keep clicking the Home button and when I look around, I'm still working.

Of the life

-Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

-What do I do for a living? I inhale and exhale.

-Sunglasses: allow you to look at people without being caught. It's like Facebook in real life.

-When you are in love, it is the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

-If life gives you lemons, try to find someone to whom life gives vodka and have a party.

-There are only three things that women need in life: food, water and compliments.

-The only thing I regret in this life is not being someone else.-Woody Allen.

-I do not believe in life after death, although I will take a change of underwear.-Woody Allen.

-If you can't laugh, call me and I'll laugh at you.

-When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic.

-Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, then you're drunk.